Scientology 101: Unraveling L. Ron Hubbard's Sci-Fi Cult Pt. 2

The wrong thing to do about any given circumstance or situation is to do nothing.
—L. Ron Hubbard

People can be downright strange. For example, Scientologists. I am only knee-deep in trying to find out what the hell Scientology is and I already feel like I stumbled into
a cameo role on some poorly-written Sci-Fi channel original series. For starters, you'll want to read the following statement [Taken from an AP newswire report dated Thursday, September 19, 1997]:

Scientology was founded 41 years ago by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. It views the individual, rather than a supreme god, as the spiritual being and believes that man's spiritual problems stem from an intergalactic holocaust 75 million years ago.

-Associated Press

Let's take a look at this excerpt. Sure, it may sound a bit egocentric deeming yourself, rather than a supreme god, as the spiritual being, but it's a notion that I'm sure many people would glady buy (particuliarly the Hollywood set who so readily endorse the religion). But wait, did I also read a little tidbit about an "intergalactic holocaust" that occurred 75 million years ago? Wow. I didn't realize such a catastrophe had taken place. Naturally, I turn to Google to answer my questions and set my mind at ease. A quick search of the phrase "intergalactic holocaust" and "intergalactic holocaust 75 million years ago" proves to be very fruitful. However, that's if you consider finding even more disturbing information about Hubbard's intergalactic-minded, sci-fi cult to be fruitful.

Every mention of the above-referenced phrase is either 1.) a Scientology-related website or news article or 2.) Science fiction (in the sci-fi community, "intergalactic [insert noun here]" happen(s) all the time... that shit's commonplace). However, here on Earth, people go to school for many years to become scientists and spend their entire lives researching, studying, and searching for clues to find the answers to questions like: How, when, and where did life originate? And, us common folk even go as far as to constantly argue over things like the notion of evolution versus the idea that God created the world in six or seven days, whatever the "accurate" number is supposed to be.

So, with an intergalactic holocaust as the explanation for Man's spiritual problems, let's move forward (if that's even wise), and dig a little deeper into the brains of these Scientologists.

At the end of my last report [click here], I had just taken the Church of Scientology's (CoS) toxicity test and discovered that I was in dire straits (according to CoS standards of course) and just short of needing to quit my job and enter a detox facility. However, since I was and still am apprehensive to call the Scientology hotline (no really, there's a number to call), I decided I would ease into this bubbling cauldron of crazy a bit slower. So with that said, I've decided to click on the What Can Scientology Do For Me link. It seems harmless enough.

Testimonials by credible personalities like Kirstie Ally, Kelly Preston, and Ron Code the motorcycle instructor flash across the top portion of my monitor as I scroll through the long list of benefits that Scientology offers--and what a smorgasbord it is. Of course, these benefits are not just doled out for free, like say, a normal church would do. They each carry a suggested retail price that requires a real credit card in order to purchase. But let's not get sidetracked, as we have a great deal of shit to swallow, err, knowledge to absorb.

Since I'm a willing guineau pig, and interested in discovering what Scientology can do for me, I read through some of the highlights. Not only can Hubbard's religion teach me how to improve my communication skills and better maintain relationships with those around me (because I'm definately unable to do so on my own accord), it also promises to teach me morals (which I'm sorely lacking) and how to live a drug-free life (this is a big concept in Scientology).

After reading through these principles, it's still hard to truly understand what Scientologists believe. From what I've read, it sounds less like a religion and more like an ongoing self-help seminar. So, for clarity's sake, let's review what exactly Scientologists believe:

• A "Supreme Being" exists. The church is not Christian and does not worship any god.
• Humans are reincarnated, spiritual beings.
• Ever-higher states of spiritual enlightenment can be attained through courses and "auditing," which is done with the use of a lie detector-like device called an E-Meter.
• People are weakened by harmful experiences engraved in mental pictures called "engrams." Through auditing, this "reactive mind" can be eliminated. Past lives are audited, too.
• Disembodied spirits implanted with false memories and sent to Earth 75 million years ago by Xenu, an evil galactic warlord, cling to humans and create unhappiness and strife.
• Seventy percent of illnesses - including arthritis, migraines, asthma and ulcers - are psychosomatic and curable without doctors

*List originally appeared in The Buffalo News [January 30, 2005] in an article by Mark Sommer.

If you're even more confused by the list above, don't be alarmed. Scientology is tough. Have you ever watched a really bad science fiction film or television show and been terribly confused by its far too complex plot? That's kind of how Scientology works, minus the mindless entertainment value. However, it does have an elaborate backstory, just like Star Trek or Star Wars, but without the Klingons and Wookies. And, just as Star Wars has "The Force" which exists in every living being, so too does Scientology. But their version is more complicated and confusing and it's called Dianetics.

To be continued...

Next report: Dianetics, "advanced spiritual technology," and a frightening handwritten document by Hubbard himself called the "OT III" (which better explains Scientology's skewed world view).