WONDERLAND

Pictured: Ethan Harris Newton

Police blotter
Thursday July 20, 2006

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -- On Monday, July 17, 2006 at 5:39PM EST, Ethan Harris Newton, the son of Matthew and Michelle Newton, was forcibly removed from Hotel Uterus for disorderly conduct which caused a one-of-a-kind "bag of water" to be broken. The 5lb, 4oz, 19" long Newton, who sometimes uses the alias "Monster," could not be reached for comment regarding the matter. Though Mr. Newton was prematurely evicted (six weeks early) from his hotel residence following the incident, no charges have been filed and he is being kept for observation at a nearby hospital. Michelle Newton, the hotel's owner and operator, is doing well and recovering from the incident.


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Author's note: There will undoubtedly be an ongoing journal of Ethan updates. The text above is simply a birth announcement circulated among friends and family. I already feel like my life has been forever altered. It's weird, my mom told me that there's this intamgible change that occurs when you become a parent. I never understood what she meant, until just moments after Ethan drew his first breaths outside of Hotel Uterus. It's late, and I'm not digging deep enough into this notion of indescribable change to properly explain. However, I tried explaining it to Michelle the other night, and it was best expressed as hope. Hope for all that you have ever wanted... to give, unconditionally, the best parts of yourself, and hope that the love you give will yield a life full of wonder, laughter, inquisitive thought, and of course even more love. Who knows, I'm certainly babbling, trailing off, as I feel somewhat drunk from the experience so far. But I also feel my life has been re-imagined... new day, new set of rules. Although Michelle and I have already trudged through tough times this week, I also feel like I'm walking through wonderland, intoxicated at the very sight of Ethan and his cherubic nose, dimpled chin, and soft, honest eyes. At this moment in his life, while he's set adrift in a sort of stumbling haze, gaining his footing and probably wondering where the hell he is, life is at its simplest. What seems most profound about this state, is that so many people strive to attain this same level of simplicity in their adult lives. But it's difficult to let all the daily shit you ingest fall by the wayside and just be. But I want to try... he makes me want to be a better person.