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the beautiful destruction

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Feel The Burn

I'm a little burned out on writing. I guess that's what happens when you sit in front of a computer all day, retinas glazed over, a steady burning caused from staring at the screen in front of you, forgetting to blink. It's just that this freelance writing hustle is feeling tired as fuck right now.

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Pictured: The desert in Green Valley, Arizona (outside Tucson).

I went to bed way too late... like close to 2am, because I was checking email and trying to finish this story I've been working on for way too long. But instead of making progress, I just sat there writing and re-writing the same sentences. I'm in a fucking rut. I just don't feel like writing lately.

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Pictured: The desert (again). Yes, there was lots of it.

Oh well, occasional disenchantment is to be expected I suppose. Writing is still work, no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise. Lately, I feel like a change is in order... a big change. I'm planning on how to better spend my time, concentrate on what I really want to do.

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Pictured: Cacti in the desert... yes, quite enthralling.

I'm thinkin' about gettin' out of this freelance game and focusing more on my own book project. I want to do something satisfying and maybe, just maybe, something of some value. As much as I enjoy music and art, profiling artists and musicians can be downright fuckin' dull most times.

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Pictured: Open Range isn't just a bad movie with Kevin Costener... these signs were everywhere, though I never saw the cows/steer in question.

Every once and a while, I get the opportunity to interview somebody who is truly interesting or a character or at least someone entertaining. But most times, boredom begins setting in as I speak with them and I just slip into auto mode.

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Pictured: I spotted this stencil in downtown Tucson, which was extremely cool by the way.

Oh well... boredom is setting in as I speak. I've got oodles of shit to do here at the work piece, so I must bid you all a fond farewell.


At 8:59 PM, Anonymous little g's mum said...

Great pictures. Looks like Tucson was beautiful.

At 4:51 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

I get what you're saying about feeling unenthralled.

I'm just trying to write my first fucking query letter ever, actually. It's so much better not even trying to succeed at this because I'm already feeling like a failure. Guess that's how it works.

There's a lot to be said for the creative freedom offered by knowing there's a paycheck coming every second week... but it's also an unfulfilling way to live.

You should take a trip somewhere. Somewhere not necessarily that you want to relax, but someplace that'll inspire you with its otherworldliness, like Cuba or Japan or something... if you have the money.

I don't have the money. But if I did, I'd do it, then fucking sell stories left right and center and use it to pay for the trip and then some. The tax writeoffs would be fucking awesome, too.

Anyhow. At least you've had the balls to do your thing. Good on you. Ruts happen to us all. Try something different before you throw in the towel.



At 12:43 AM, Blogger Matthew Newton said...

Hi Steff:

Thanks for the encouragement... and, I definitely won't be throwing in the towel, as it's not in my nature. I just need to regroup and approach this writing thing with renewed vigor. I think it's time to get down to the real business of doing work that I feel is more important.

Query letters definitely suck. But don't let it discourage you, it's just a formality. Once you get in with an editor/magazine you like, the relationship normally becomes much more relaxed.

Good luck with the query letters. Keep me posted as to where your writing will appear.

Time to sleep.


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