INTERNET MAGIC

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So I stumbled across this fake advertisement while wasting precious time on MySpace. I have nothing to say about it, really. It just made me laugh when I saw it, and now I pass the fun along to you. Enjoy.

THE PAT ROBERTSON CHRONICLES PART 2

Pat Robertson, the 700 Club mastermind and one-time presidential candidate, has garnered a great deal of press in recent years. The attention is due mainly to his foaming-at-the-mouth rants about his disdain for homosexuals (just watch any episode of the 700 Club), doomsayer speeches that warn of God's vengeful wrath on humanity (as retribution for our sins), and the comical/pathetic folies surrounding his rather public slip into what can only be labeled as the early stages of senile dementia (the latter statement is just an educated guess of course).

Last week, a little news story ran where Robertson made yet another far-fetched claim, boasting that he can leg press more weight than an NFL linebacker (I'm not joking). Though the story seems to have come and gone with little fanfair. I now assume most people either believe every word the man says, or have just tired of his nonstop insanity. Myself, I still find it all somewhat intriguing.

For those of you who are still interested in watching as Mr. Robertson slips rather loudly into senality, click here for the whole story.

NUMBER OF THE BEAST

According to the predictions of fringe lunatics, run-of-the-mill Satan-worshippers, and fun-loving neighborhood doomsayers, we may all be nothing more than a smoldering pile of ashes by day's end. However, just between you and I, I really hope not, that would be a shitty way to start the summer. But you never know, it may very well be the day of reckoning, the apocalypse, the devil's version of judgement day, or just another good excuse for goth kids to buy even more black t-shirts emblazoned with blood-dripped pentagrams (Today's stock tip: Buy 100 shares of Hot Topic stock, then sell them before the witching hour approaches).

In honor of June 6, 2006... err, um, I mean 666, I thought it would only be fitting to compile a photo gallery commemorating the occasion. It truly is a once in a lifetime event. So, thanks to the magic of Google's image search, and the endless joy provided by amateur digital photography, Photoshop, and the chaos that is the Internet, let's get things started.



I think this is a man. However, it could be a woman. Either way, I think this hair style will be on the rise after the apocalypse, the "I'm a former sideshow clown who now wears silky warlock robes and answers only to Lord Satan" type look.



"Dude, fuck you, I'll totally have a pentagram burned onto my chest. Jah."



This photo is proof that you shouldn't believe everything you read.

Artist's detailed rendering of what humans may look like after the apocalypse. It appears we will walk rigidly, become half-man/half-animal type creatures, and our bodies will be extremely out of proportion (especially women).

What we will actually look like and the type of cars we will drive after the apocalypse.

This appears to be footage from a press conference John Kerry gave while visiting Hell.

And lastly, of course, this is the album we will listen to... forever.