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the beautiful destruction

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Have You Tried The Virus-Laden Poo? It's The Shit.

As if climbing a mountain wasn't already dangerous enough. Now the adventurous men and women who scale these peaks have to watch even more closely where they step [see what I mean].

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Pictured: An Ansel Adams' photograph of Mount McKinley... pre-virus-laden poo era.

You would think (at least I would) that a mountaintop would be snowcapped and cold, pristine and virtually untouched by modern man.

Ah, nope.

That's right, even climbers have to take time to relieve their bladders and move their bowels. It's actually the latter of the functions that's causing all the problems though. Virus-laden poo is today's secret word. Yes indeed, climbers are "dropping the kids off at the ice rink" and it's creating an infectious wonderland on mountain peaks the world over. Why not dig a hole and poop in there? you may be thinking. There is a reason.. everything is frozen. So it would seem the poo is almost being preserved. Yum.

Think of it like this: One day you wake up with the urge to collect something. But what to collect. You're down on your luck, don't have much extra cash. So baseball cards, beanie babies, or exotic spoons from around the world are out of the question. So naturally, you have an epiphany of sorts: What not collect my own feces and store it in the icebox for preservation and presentation purposes? Next thing you know, you're pets are all dropping like flies, you're wife has left you due to your new and odd-collecting habit, and you have a poo-induced rash that looks like a cross between chicken pox and poison ivy (hypothetically speaking). The point here being... it's a bad idea.

But what's the answer: Poop in a bag and throw it down the mountain? Have everybody poop in a pile then set it on fire? Poop into your backpack and bring it back with you? I don't know the answer... really, I don't. And I'm not real worried about it, I'm not climbing a fucking mountain anytime soon.

8 Comments:

At 8:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you crack me the fuck UP! Was there any reason to read this... HELL no. Did I read it and smirk, HELL yes! I'm a fan... not the creepy type though.

So let's both not "poo" on the mountain and enjoy our porcelain thrones and flush our contributions.

 
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